Good News for Weary Servants: It's Okay to Say 'No'
Are you a victim of servant burnout? Take a break, and learn some basic rules of servant self-care.
How do you view service? Do you see servanthood as an opportunity to celebrate your relationship with God . . . or as a reluctant obligation? Do you look forward to serving, or is it something you dread?
In the Old Testament, the importance of a joyful attitude to effective servanthood is rarely mentioned. Though some verses remind us to serve with gladness, they are often coupled with dire "or else" warnings. Take King David's injunction to Solomon: "Serve [the Lord] with a loyal heart and a willing mind . . . if you seek Him, He will be found by you . . . but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever . . . ." (1 Chronicles 28:9, NKJV)
Some verses seem downright contradictory in their message: "Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest He be angry and you perish in the way." (Psalm 2: 11-12)
Huh? Serve with fear? Rejoice with trembling? How do you do that?
Granted, the "softer, gentler" English meaning of the word "fear" as used in the Bible is closer to "reverence," but lest we feel any sense of reprieve, the phrase "cast you off forever" leaves little room for confusion. "Forever" means, well . . . forever.
For many of us, the joy of serving is diluted by our fear of punishment from God, or even from other people who may judge us if we don't serve as <I>they</I> think we should. Peer pressure remains a potent motivator long after one's days on the playground. Consequently, service becomes something one does with less than a "whole heart." In fact, it can seem like plain old drudgery.
Enter the Good News
Thankfully, when Jesus came and the concept of grace entered our spiritual vocabularies, the "fear" message took a backseat to the "joy" message.
"Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another — to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God . . . we have been delivered from the law, having died to what we were held by, so that we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and in the oldness of the letter." (Romans 7: 4, 6).
Newness of the Spirit. What a liberating phrase! Now we can each use our spiritual gifts — those gifts that make it possible for us to serve with an attitude of pure joy because we're doing what comes naturally. Yes, sometimes there are tough jobs that nobody wants. In those cases, search your conscience. Learn to discern between your own inner "tapes" and the genuine prompting of the Holy Spirit.
When we serve only out of fear and guilt, we can never do enough — like the old joke about the pioneer woman living in a sod hut who wails, "I sweep and sweep, but I just can't get these floors clean!" Where is joy? Answer: It's drowned out by other voices telling us that joy is only for slackers.
The person motivated by fear draws continually from an empty well, deceived by the lie that God only loves workaholics and martyrs. She feels drained and exhausted — even resentful that God demands too much of her (which of course, He never does).
But when we operate out of a spirit of freedom and joy, it's amazing how our energy renews itself. Instead of feeling drained by serving, we actually can't wait to do it again!
Servant Burnout
If you are someone who serves — in missions, in your church or community — but are feeling exhausted and resentful of all the demands on your time, it may be that you've forgotten how to say the word "no." Maybe you never learned.
Several years ago, there was a book called When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. Is that you? Do you have a hard time setting boundaries with those who repeatedly come to you for help? Has it occurred to you that they may keep coming precisely because they know you won't use the "n" word?
Remember that even Jesus had to retreat and re-charge His internal batteries from time to time. He knew that in order to be fully present as a teacher and healer, he had to take care of himself, too. In the famous passage about Mary and Martha, he gently chided Martha for her workaholic ways. Why? She had lost sight of her joy.
Jesus' words to Martha were another way of saying, "Martha, stop with all the busyness. It's not important right now. Sit down and listen to the Good News I have for you."
If you are feeling burned out on serving, maybe it's time to give someone else a chance. Practice saying "no" in a polite way. Be clear in stating that you need a break — and don't allow others to "guilt" you.
Remember, the Bible says the Lord loves a cheerful giver. Serving out of guilt is not serving with a whole heart, and it comes across more as a back-handed compliment than as a truly honoring act.
So, get some rest. Do some soul searching. Ask yourself why you serve. Recognize when it's appropriate to say "no." In taking these steps, when it's time to get back into servant mode, you'll be able to do so with pure motives and an attitude that genuinely communicates the love of Christ. And isn't that what it's really all about?
For many of us, the joy of serving is diluted by our fear of punishment — from God, or even from other people who may judge us if we don't serve as they think we should.
The person motivated by fear draws continually from an empty well, deceived by the lie that God only loves workaholics and martyrs.