Gifts of Encouragement
Here are ways to give hope, help and honor for the elderly.
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you (Isaiah 46:4 NIV)
I opened my e-mail one Monday morning and read a note from my 82-year-old friend Barbara. "I'm selling my home," she wrote, "and moving to an assisted living facility in Tacoma, Washington. My eyesight is failing and I can't live alone anymore." She added her new address, e-mail address and phone number, and asked that I keep in touch. At the time I lived in San Diego a long way from Tacoma. I was both sad and happy about the news. Barbara was single, had no children to help her, and was obviously in need of care. I congratulated her on making a wise decision, even though I realized her new lifestyle and living quarters would be very different from the old ones. I prayed she'd adjust easily and not feel depressed over the loss of her independence, something she had treasured.
Staying in touch meant frequent e-mails and phone calls and occasional handwritten notes because I knew Barbara loved receiving mail. A friend had given her a computer with a magnifier and she had several books in large print. These items would help her stay connected to the world outside her room.
As I considered ways of saying "I love and care about you," I remembered some of the things my sister June and I did to support our parents when they made a similar choice 15 years ago—even though for part of that season we were nearly 2,000 miles apart. Later we moved Mom and Dad to California so we could spend more time together before they boarded the train to heaven!
If you have a friend or neighbor or a loved one who needs your presence, your kindness, your practical help, but you're not quite sure what to do, maybe some of these ideas will inspire you. I'm including tips from my experience as well as suggestions from others who have faced the same milestone with people in their circles.
SAY IT WITH PICTURES
Create a small photo album of treasured pictures and look at it together. I made one for my friend Marlene for her 75h birthday. In a thank you note, she mentioned that she had spent hours looking over each one and recalling the event it represented. I created a heritage photo album for my parents with captions and notes in my handwriting covering the highlights of our 50+ years together.
You might also hang a framed collage of photos on the wall in your loved one's room, a constant reminder of family and friends who care about and are praying for him or her. This is also a good way for the nursing home staff to get to know the patient in a more personal way.
SAY IT WITH FLOWERS
I sent my friend Barbara a bouquet of roses to thank her for her friendship and to welcome her to her new home. She said later everyone on her floor stopped by to smell the flowers and to admire her for being so special to someone. The roses not only brightened her room, they brightened her life for several days.
If you are able to visit your friend or family member in person, I suggest you bring a fresh bouquet each week. Most supermarkets have flower stands where you can purchase a bunch of colorful blooms for about the same price as a loaf of bread. And it will mean so much to the recipient.
SAY IT WITH MUSIC
Today it's easy to enjoy one's favorite music, even if one must share a room with two or three other people. An i-Pod is a great gift for people of any age. Find out what kind of music the person likes best, and present the player with the music already downloaded. Or bring a selection of CDs. My father loved it when we played symphonies by Mozart or Beethoven. He couldn't use his hands near the end due to Parkinson's Disease, so my sister or I would stack the CDs and he'd be set for a couple of hours of uninterrupted listening. I loved the smile that crossed his face as the sounds washed over him and helped him relax.
My mother-in-law was an avid reader, especially in her latter years. Periodically, my husband packed a small box with gently-used paperback novels and shipped them off to the care facility where she lived. She looked forward to this quarterly package and always commented on what this meant to her. We also enjoyed phone conversations with her about the stories she liked best. This gave us something in common to talk about, especially since we lived so far apart.
SAY IT WITH COZY CLOTHING
The elderly tend to chill easily, especially as circulation slows down. You could fill a drawer or closet for your loved ones with soft turtleneck sweaters, a lightweight fleece jacket in a bright color, warm socks or slippers with cute patterns, pants or skirts with elastic waistbands for easy dressing and undressing. Thermal underwear is nice for sleeping and shoes or slippers with Velcro closing tabs make it easy to take footwear off and on. All of these items help an older person continue to participate in self-care—essential to their mental and emotional well being.
SAY IT WITH FAMILIAR TREASURES
My brother-in-law decorated his parents' room with some of the furnishings the couple had when they lived on their own. He brought in a favorite chair, a quilt, couple of decorative pillows that had been on the living room sofa, a few trinkets and knickknacks that reminded his mother and dad of a certain time or place.
A favorite coffee mug or tea cup, a flower vase or painting can make the difference between a cold hospital-style room and a warm homey dwelling that reflects the individual's style and personality.
SAY IT WITH CONTEMPORARY ITEMS
Depending on the person's mobility and interest, you might give him or her a small easy-to-operate camera, a laptop computer with access to the Internet and favorite movies or games on DVD to enjoy on the computer. And don't forget books on CD.
SAY IT WITH WORDS
Most important of all, say "I love you," "I miss you," "I'm here for you." Assuring your loved ones of your ongoing support through flowers and phone calls, e-mails and gifts cannot be measured. But when it comes right down to it—your words and your presence in their lives at this vulnerable time of life are the best gift of all.