The Blessing of Caring for Mom and Dad
Some see the blessing of caring for an older parent after the parent is gone and some see the blessing in the midst of the care.
Articles within this series
- Overview
- Honor an Elderly or Ailing Mom and Dad
- The Blessing of Caring for Mom and Dad
- A Balancing Act
In the course of conversation about caring for elderly and ailing parents, people will often mention the grinding fatigue of always having someone with you, the guilt of not being able to provide the perfect care, the lack of freedom, especially when it comes to making life or career choices, the strain on family life, and the sadness of seeing a strong, healthy loved one regress to a dependent state.
Also, in the discussion, you’ll hear words and phrases such as honor, commitment, giving back, and serving God. Some see the blessing of caring for an older parent after the parent is gone and some see the blessing in the midst of the care.
Paul and Margie Robinson invited her parents to live with them seven years ago. Margie’s folks had spent 53 years on the mission field in the Congo — where they had expected to serve out their lives — until a war drove them out of the country in 2000. Her mom and dad, 87 and 91 years-old respectively, were part of the last generation of faith missionaries that didn’t solicit funds, and that also went without health and life insurance and social security. When Paul and Margie returned to the states after serving 22 years in the mission field themselves, and heard about the trouble brewing in the Congo, they purchased a house in Wheaton, IL with enough room to accommodate both their adult children, and also Margie’s parents.
“Margie and I made this commitment [to care for our parents] before the Lord. We come back to it over and over. This is what we are called to do now. In return, one of the lessons we’ve learned is God’s faithfulness. Our faith as a family has been increased in caring for them. Since we don’t have all the answers or the resources, we’ve had to trust God in those uncertainties.”
Paul mentioned the challenges of living with two uninsured, ailing, elderly parents, but he mostly spoke of how much they’ve gained through caring for Margie’s parents. “Every semester we have students in our home and they are able to see the presence of elders living with us,” he said. “I believe it’s a tremendous witness for them to see extended family living under our roof; to see us making community work, and to see our commitment in action. I believe it also challenges them to think through the concept of relationship, and what they demand from us and what they give to us.
“Additionally, every international guest that has stayed in our home has been profoundly moved by this arrangement. Our African visitors have been delighted in the richness of having these older people living with us.
“We can’t go places or do certain things during this season, but we’re compensated by a certain richness. We live in a culture that does not value age. We don’t appreciate the elderly; they’re considered irrelevant. And yet there is a deep wisdom there. We have been enriched to know and understand the wisdom God has given to them over the years.”
Caring for your loved one in the midst of their vulnerability and crisis will likely forge a closer bond between the two of you. “I never lived close to mom once I was married,” said Karen Gates, whose mother lived with her and her husband for a several years. “Though she had dementia and depression, our bond increased simply because we had so much time together. I was also blessed by being able to give back to her and improve the quality of her life.” Karen was able to get her 85 year-old mother completely off of alcohol and copious amounts of medication; she changed her mother’s poor diet; and forced her to get out of bed on a daily basis.
Paul in Ephesians restates the fifth commandment. He says, “Honor your father and mother that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Honoring your parents leads to a promise that we ourselves will be sustained by God. And perhaps that is the greatest blessing of all.