Is Living Together A Good Test for Marital Compatibility?
We're both from broken homes and want to avoid divorce. Should we live together before getting married?
Articles within this series
- Overview
- Is Living Together A Good Test for Marital Compatibility?
- Why Not Live Together?
- Premarital Sex Affecting Marriage Relationship
Q. Dear Dr. Bill: My boyfriend and I are both from broken homes and want to divorce-proof our future marriage. Is living together a good test for future compatibility?
A. That's a question a lot of young people are asking these days. According to the National Marriage Project, about 60% of young adults in America say they plan to live together before marriage. Many of them grew up in homes where divorce occurred, and experienced a tremendous amount of pain and insecurity as a result of their parents' break up. They are determined not to repeat their parents' mistakes and desire to find a "soul mate” to whom they will be married for life.
You and your boyfriend may believe that living together is a good way to find out if you are compatible — a "test drive” that will improve your chances for marital success. While this seems to make sense intuitively, actually just the opposite is true. Research indicates that couples who cohabit before marriage have a 50% higher divorce rate than those who don't. These couples also have higher rates of domestic violence and are more likely to be involved in sexual affairs. If a cohabiting couple gets pregnant, there is a high probability that the man will leave the relationship within two years, resulting in a single mom raising a fatherless child.
The best way to test your compatibility for marriage is to date for at least one year before engagement and participate in a structured, premarital counseling program, which includes psychological testing.
Ed. Note: Focus on the Family and Life Innovations have partnered to offer a customized online relationship assessment called Couple Checkup. Whether you're dating, engaged or already married, there's a version for you. It's available online at www.family.org/couplecheckup.