Should My Ex and I Remarry?
My ex-husband and I are thinking about getting remarried. We think our past issues have been sorted out, but we're unsure about making this new commitment.
Articles within this series
- Overview
- Should My Ex and I Remarry?
- What Should Kids Call Step-Parents?
- My Son Isn't Getting Along With My New Husband
Q. Dear Dr. Bill: My ex-husband and I were divorced several years ago because he was not committed to spending time with our son. Also, he was not a Christian at the time. But since then, he found the Lord and has changed dramatically. As a result, we are thinking about getting remarried. We both feel like our past issues have been sorted out, but we're a little unsure of how long we should wait before making this new commitment. What do you suggest?
A. First of all, let me tell you how encouraged I was to read your e-mail. In a day when divorce is so rampant and reconciliation is so rare, it was truly a blessing to hear your story.
Regarding your question, it's hard to give you a specific timeline for remarriage. You say that your "past issues have been sorted out,” but you don't mention what those issues were.
You also mention that your husband has dramatically changed since his conversion, but you're a bit unsure about remarriage. That leads mea to believe you may still have some lingering concerns.
Jesus tells us that a "good tree produces good fruit.” Given your past concerns, you should make sure you've seen the "good fruit” of your husband's conversion manifested over time before you jump back into marriage. Your son has already been impacted by your divorce, and you certainly don't want to make matters worse by remarrying and then splitting up again if things don't work out.
My advice would be to meet with an experienced marriage counselor who can help you determine the best course of action. He or she can help you fully explore whether you are ready for remarriage. You might seek out a counselor who is familiar with a relationship assessment tool called "Prepare and Enrich." The test will help you and your husband to see what lingering issues you may need to address before moving ahead.
Ed. Note: Life Innovations and Focus on the Family have created a customized version of the Prepare and Enrich relationship assessment tool. It's called the Couple Checkup and is available online at www.family.org/couplecheckup.