Themes to Touch On During "the Talk"
Here are some themes to touch on when you have "The Talk" with your child.
Articles within this series
- Overview
- Themes to Touch On During "the Talk"
- Talking to Tweens About Love, Sex and Relationships
- Transition
- Talking to Your Kids About Sexual Abuse
- Next Steps / Related Information
Our word is our bond. When your child says he is going to do something, hold him to his word. When children learn the value of keeping a promise, it helps them keep their word as adults and their promise of commitment when they marry. Completing homework, staying with a sports teams and practicing an instrument all build character qualities that help a child focus on keeping commitments.
The way babies are made. When your children are between the ages of 8 and 10, observe their maturity level to determine if they are emotionally ready to learn how babies are made and born into the world. Even though your oldest daughter may have been ready at 9, your son may not be ready until 10.
Look for books that display modest pictures of sperm and egg that can help you in your explanation. Stay upbeat, positive and focused. Assure your child that if you don’t know the answer to one of his questions, you will find out as soon as you can. Follow up the next day to find out what your child thought about the message he heard.
Puberty preparation. The 9- to 12-year-old age range, especially for girls, is the time to discuss how God moves our bodies toward maturity. We are all on a cycle of life from birth to death. Puberty is a time of transitioning from childhood to teendom, eventually leading to adulthood.
Due to the fact that so many girls are starting their menstrual cycle as young as 9, it’s a good idea to discuss menstruation at this age. Prepare a “coming of age” basket for your daughter with journal, sanitary napkin supplies, Midol, chocolate, encouraging book and card to let her know you support her. This is also a great time to set aside a weekend — just with your daughter — to hike, eat out, shop, laugh, connect and share about the adolescent changes ahead.
Boys need to know that hormones move them toward manhood. They need to be assured — particularly by their fathers — that issues like wet dreams, hair growth and voice change are part of that transition. Fathers can prepare their sons for these changes while spending a weekend together camping, fishing, hiking or horseback riding.
Girls, hormones and the “tree of life.” Hormones are the life force that propel women toward being able to give life, sustain life, birth life and, eventually, complete life giving. This cycle can be likened to the growth of a tree. We go through seasons of life. Like it or not, hormones play a tremendous role in our lives. When out of balance, they can transform us into people we don’t recognize. During pregnancy and after birth, they remind us of our vulnerability. While most young women transition into puberty without wild hormone swings, many young girls in puberty suffer from hormone imbalance. Symptoms can include:
- withdrawal
- anger
- nervousness
- crying jags
- depression
If your daughter is suffering from any of these symptoms, check with your doctor about taking her to an endocrinologist to aid in hormone balance.
The privilege of creating life. Help your tween develop a healthy reverence for the power of life residing in his/her body. Being able to reproduce is a gift from God that is not to be taken lightly, and He wants us to use this gift within marriage. The responsibility of reproduction requires a mother and father to love and care for their child.
Dating philosophy. Courtship? Dating at 17? What is going to be the standard in your home? Deciding now can actually influence the message you send to your child about relationships. It will also help your child discern media messages in light of the standard in your home. For example, your child may think, The two 13-year-olds on this TV show have a dating relationship. In my home, dating that young is not allowed.
Marriage matters. Even if you come from a divorced family, you can train your child that healthy marriage is possible. Build your child’s confidence with statements such as “I know you will make a great husband/wife someday because of your sensitive and caring nature.”
Clear messages about drugs. Communicate your disapproval of drug use and discuss the dangers of drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, and taking drugs. Let your child know that all of these have detrimental effects on one’s health. Also, using alcohol, in particular, can lead to premarital sex.
We are not the world (media and other messages). Your child knows spiritually that believers are different from unbelievers. This reality also translates into media choices. Restrict video and TV time in the home to show your child that life has much more to offer than sitting in front of the television — such as relating to other people. Board games, sports, reading and family discussion are all alternatives to the increasing pull of the Disney channel and computer games. Start with the motto: “Others may. We don’t.”
— Amy Stephens
Last updated: May 2005
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