Taming the Tattletale
Remind your children that their relationships with one another will last longer than with anyone else in the world.
Articles within this series
- Overview
- Help Your Child Behave
- Taming the Tattletale
- The Damaging Effects of Tale-Bearing
“Christopher’s not letting me play with the ball!” “Sarah’s calling me names!” “Tommy won’t let me in the bathroom!” Sound familiar?
Tattling reigns as one of the most common behavior problems among siblings. Unfortunately, it is overlooked rather than dealt with properly in many homes.
Parents often pardon rather than correct the tattler simply because they do not know how to deal with the issue. While some parents are frustrated with their inability to control the problem, others try to rationalize their decision to avoid correction.
“After all,” reasons one parent, “if my child is doing something he ought not do, why does it matter how I find out?”
Another parent says, “If one of my children has been wronged by his sibling, I would rather he come tell me than to fight back.”
While these are reasonable arguments for not correcting the tattler, they overlook the damaging effects that tattling has on sibling relationships.
Tattling is typically motivated by one sibling taking pleasure in the other sibling’s suffering, which ultimately creates an atmosphere of opposition and conflict. Siblings who are committed to getting one another in trouble will wedge a thorn of distrust in their relationship, disrupting the harmony of the whole family.
Parents can tame the tattletale and cultivate peace and unity among siblings by following these four steps:
- Help the tattler understand his motivation.
- Help the tattler understand the damaging effects of tale-bearing.
- Help the tattler replace tattling with encouragement.
- Teach the tattler to practice what he has learned.
The Tattler’s Motivation
Parents can teach the tattler how to discern matters of his own heart by asking thought-provoking questions. Use questions that will cause the tattler to take his attention off what someone else has done wrong and instead think about his own wrong motives.
- Sample Questions — “Sweetheart, could it be that you are taking pleasure in getting your brother in trouble?” “What are you hoping will happen to your brother as a result of your tattling?”
- Benefit — By teaching the tattler to determine his own motives, you are teaching him how to “think through” his actions, which will enhance his ability to make good decisions.
Every so often, a child might have a good motive for tattling. A child should come directly to the parent to tell about a sibling’s wrongdoing if the offender is:
- not heeding encouragement
- endangering himself
- endangering someone else
- destroying property